Let me start by saying, we can. We understand what you’re saying. Us dogs, we’re a smart breed. Mommy and Daddy even say how smart I am sometimes, but sometimes I hear them call me a stupid dog too. Usually that’s after I choke on a dryer cloth.
It’s fascinating being a dog really. Have you ever wondered what it’s like to annoy the crap out of someone? Oh, I do it to my mommy and daddy all the time. I LOVE to sleep all day. It’s so BORING at the house without my humans around, so I try to play games with the chicken and poodle. Often times, I just sleep though. I love it when mommy and daddy come home. Daddy is always the first one in the house and he comes in and pets me and then moves that dreaded plastic thing I hate so much. Mommy calls it a gate. I call it the spawn of the devil. It scares me! And I swear, that thing could grow legs and eat my mommy. At night, ohmigosh….every single night, it make this horrible sound and it must eat my daddy because shortly thereafter, he comes flying out of it and I’m so happy he’s safe. Mommy doesn’t understand. She tells me to stop barking, but I’m just trying to tell her that gate thing has eaten daddy again. It must be hungry, because it’s an every night thing. I think me barking at it makes it spit my daddy out. I’m a hero!
Ohhh…so back to my favorite time. Mommy and daddy have this crazy thing they do at night where they lay under the covers and go to sleep for hours! Who can do that! I sure can’t and that’s MY time to play with them! So, I bring all my toys up on the bed and squeak them over and over in their ears until they wake up. Mommy is the worst at this game though. She’s so pushy. She pushes me off her and doesn’t want to play. Big party pooper. Daddy is nicer. He plays with me sometimes and sometimes he rolls on his side thinking I can’t lay on him like that. I’ve figure it out though. They have these little wedges on their side I can stick my paw in. Mommy calls them ribs. I call them feet holders. I just dig my little paw right into it and BAM! It’s like sure footing!
I hate the beeping thing in the morning. Every morning something on Mommy’s messy dresser beeps. She just keeps hitting the dresser and it is quiet. That’s why I don’t bark. She might do that to me! Although, when daddy and I play that game, I like to bite his ears. He sure does make funny noises when I nip at him. I wonder if he’s a squeaky toy too! Mommy doesn’t listen to the beeping thing and I’m usually so wound up from playing that I HAVE to go outside and go potty. I’ve found the only way to get her up is to lick her over and over on her hands. If that doesn’t wake her up, I plant a nice wet one on her face. She doesn’t like that. Generally, I get my way then!
Today, they said something about me going to doggie daycare tomorrow. What’s doggie daycare? Am I in trouble? It doesn’t sound good. I think I need to fake sick again. Maybe I’ll eat too much and she won’t send me if I’m ill. I’ll be sure to tell you all about it though!
