Humans are worthless and mean...

Pene and I have decided we want new parents.

Do you know Mommy violated her first rule and ate ALL her dinner? She usually doesn't stuff herself like a fat pig, but her and Daddy and the other humans went out to the steakhouse last night and ate like bafoons.

Don't think we didn't notice. Pene may have only one eyeball, but our sniffers work just fine, thank you very much. Not so much as a drop was even brought home for me or my starving skinny little sister with one sad little pouty eye.

Pene and I have decided we're boycotting that slop they keep sticking in our bowls and we're going to eat it and then barf it up on Mommy's pillow. Perhaps when Daddy plays with me, I can barf on him.

Mommy doesn't think about me, either. A couple of weeks ago, she went to some class she said (although, it doesn't appear she learned anything, cause she's still mean and Daddy calls her a spaz). Good waste of money, Mommy. You could have bought me another treat or toy and Pene another eyeball for what you paid for in that class. Anyway, she brought me home this ball. Hellllllllllllllllooooooooooooo - the ball is bigger than my head. What E-X-A-C-T-L-Y do you expect me to do with that? Humans are dumb. Especially mine.

Pene wants me to tell you all she has to pee.

By the way, mommy and daddy dearest...

Can you not do anything about house training this worthless mutt I share a room with? Seriously, it stinks and she's like - gassy. Not a little bit either. She comes in my house area and farts in her sleep. And her mouth smells like death. What's wrong with her? Couldn't you find anyone as pretty as me?

Anyway, I've got to stop typing. My paws are sore and I need to get on top of my cage before Pene farts in my face again.

P.S. Mommy wants you to get the camera working Daddy. She needs to see Pene in action so I can get some peace and quiet...

A day in the life of...

It's boring at home without our playful humans to do tricks for us. Therefore, we have decided it's time to enlighten you as to our daily routine...

8:00 A.M. - Mommy and Daddy left the house and gave us both a treat. I have decided Pene is retarded enough to leave her treat on the ground, so I have snatched it while she's frantically pacing looking for Mommy and Daddy and buried it in the covers.

8:10 A.M. - Pene got unretarded and started looking for her treat. I'm quite full now. Dumb blonde dog. I'm much smarter than she is.

8:15 A.M. - Nap time.

12:00 P.M. - We just woke up. Abbie has decided to guard the food and I have decided to stare at her until she gives in and gives me some of the food. I promptly tell her, "If Mommy and Daddy were here, you would be in big fat trouble you fat dog..."

12:05 P.M. - I got tired of watching Abbie guard the food bowls. I went and peed on the pee pad (and missed a little bit, oh well...humans can clean it...) and I am now going back to bed.

12:07 P.M. - Abbie is a fat little rear. She came in my cage and sat on me, so I'm going to her cage now. I need my beauty rest.

12:08 P.M. - Abbie came back to her cage. I'm getting cranky.

12:09 P.M. - Abbie crawled on top of her cage. I'm going to the blankets to sleep.

1:30 P.M. - We're both awake now. Pene is being retarded again and pushing her head along the couch. I think the lack of an eyeball is affecting her retardation. She's seriously dumb.

1:43 P.M. - I think I heard something outside. I started looking around and couldn't see anyone and I growled a little bit. Pene got curious and tried to act like she was paying attention and she did this single high pitched bark thing she does when she's trying to tell Mommy, "What?!!!?"

1:45 P.M. - I'm tired of barking. I'm going back to bed. Pene is still pacing. Retard.

3:00 P.M. - Tired of sleeping. I think I'll eat. /gasp. PENE is eating all my food! That little wench! I lay down and glare at her and let her know I am NOT pleased.

3:03 P.M. - Pene is done eating. She has no carpet to kick up so she's messing up the blankets. Retarded dog. Something's really wrong with her.

More updates later...