Abigail's Commandments

Abigail the Fierce reporting in on the latest findings in the Abigail's Awesome House of Coolness. Recently, I have noticed a rather problematic issue occurring in my house. Last night, we had another keen example of it and I'm here to report on the ways in which I intend to stop it.

Now, before I go into that, I should tell you that next month is my 3rd birthday party. That means Penelope is going to be 5 and Winnifred and Saydie are probably a little closer to 5 or 6. Me being the youngest means I'm clearly the most agile and of course the most gorgeous. Have you seen me do that shake thing? My hair is just a-m-a-z-i-n-g. It's like strands of silken love. Gorgeous looks aside, I'm the smartest pooch in the pack. Pene is just entirely too dumb to do anything except sit in people's lap, grunt, and be pet. Winnie on the other hand is evil and I dislike her very much. But, those are the LEAST of my worries.

Saydie has become an issue. I plan to address this very soon. Probably tonight.

Being the youngest - and the first in the house, the humans around here should come to the understanding that I am the most awesome. We've had this discussion a few times. I have to put my paws on Mommy's face and remind her that she's not boss of me. I mean, hello? Really? You work all day to air condition this life for me. ANYWAY, Saydie has recently figured out how to jump from the cages onto the bed. AND, she's a toy thief.

The bed is one thing. I can usually guard her and keep her from jumping up, but it aggravates me SO much when she steals my toys. Just the other day, Daddy took me and Pene to Petsmart. The other two mutts had to stay home. Daddy bought ME a new lamb toy that has a really cool squeaky thing in it that I love so much.

Well.

Can you believe.

Saydie has tried to take it? That's right!!!! She's only been living here like 6 months and she's trying to take MY things.

So, I am here to share a little tidbit of information with the rest of the household. Listen up carefully poochies because I will be on Pooch Patrol to get the humans after you if you don't obey!





















Mommy and Daddy already know these rules. They have a few sticky things stuck to the big white thing that holds the people food that tells them this every day. But, I'm proposing a name change. No longer will this be called "Pekingese Property Laws" but from now on, this will be called, "Abigail's Commandments." So, read up little muttlies. You're all smart enough to read I hope? I wasn't born in a rescue, so I've always been a little smarter than you. If you can't read, let me sum it up for you. 1) Stay off my toys. 2) Stay off my toys. 3) If ever a question arises, revert to rule 1 or 2 for confirmation.

I have a few things I need to get taken care of before Mommy and Daddy get home....so I will be sure to chat more on the progress of this situation later.

Mimaw cuddle day

Mommy is a funny funny person. The other day, she made Pene look all - I dunno - dumb or something.

Pene has issues to begin with. After she gets done eating, she either hops around on 3 legs like something is wrong with her back leg...or she goes to the carpet and kicks and then rubs her head on the ground.

Something is seriously wrong with that girl.

Well, ANYWAY - now Mommy has decided to make it worse and make her look like Dumbo or something. Pene has the longest ears our of all of us. Really, it's her hair on her ears. I think she's more like an old man or something. She grows hair like crazy.

So, while she was eating, I borrowed Mommy's iPhone while she wasn't playing Angry Birds and snapped this quick photo. TOO FUNNY!

Seriously, would you look at this girl? I almost wanted to go in there and poke her in the head. What a GOOFBALL. And she just sits there eating like it's normal.

If that was me, Mommy and I would sit down and have a very long heart to heart talk about what it is she thinks she can get away with.

Mommy and I have great understanding and she has been very good about communicating this to Daddy. I live in a 3,000 square foot dog house. Mommy and Daddy are permitted to stay in the master bedroom and when I need up on the people bed, I expect them to move over for me.

I've also come to a very firm agreement with Mimaw and Papaw. Papaw must greet me every day and love on me and give me treats. He must come downstairs and say "Good morning Big Fat Dog" to stupid Winnie (cause she's fat and mean). And Mimaw, her and I have the best agreement of all. I was her first granddog. That makes ME, Abigail the Fierce of Rowlett, Texas, SUPER special. I wear the crown around here and that means she loves ME the mostest. So, as such, Mimaw gives me lots of tummy rubs and laughs at me and loves on me extra special cause I'm Abbie and who doesn't love me?

Well, Daddy and Mommy had to go to work today. I woke up and Aunt Stacey and Uncle Brian and my 3 human cousins were all still here. I was so excited to see them. But, I had to ask them to leave cause I needed to sleep on their bed and get it all furry. So, now that everyone is gone except Mimaw, I think Mimaw and I are going to lounge around the house and snuggle up. I think I might ask her to brush me today too. Maybe if I give her my bestest puppy dog eyes, she will feed me some turkey too!

Ooops! I think I hear BFD. I gotta go investigate.

Paws out!

I'm fed up...

I've decided that Mommy is retarded and L-A-Z-Y. Ever since Christmas, she's just laid around the house and not done hardly A-N-Y-THING.

Case in point, last night was the first night that Mommy cleaned the TWO (yes, I can count) dishes on the stove and she actually FINALLY decided to clean that mess on her counter in the bathroom.

Mimaw and Papaw live with us now. Sigh. Two more people for me to train. Everytime I get a new dog trained, a new one comes in. Now Mommy and Daddy adopted two new humans. Seriously, what's next? I'm overwhelmed. Papaw is so much fun though. He calls Winnie "pig with hair" and "big fat dog" and I just giggle and snort. (I've even tooted a few times laughing so hard.) She seriously is a chunk though. Daddy says she's not fat....

..........She's fat. Trust me.

Big Fat Dog, Pig with Hair, Chunky Monkey, Devil Dog (or pick a name that suits you)

Add to that, she's just plain mean. The other day, ohmigosh...I HAVE to tell you this...

The other day, we all had to take a trip to the vet. All of us got our bottom glands squished (it stunk terribly and Mimaw got all weird and walked out...). I feel so much better though! Anyway, BFD (Big Fat Dog) got all weird. They came in and put this big ball and her head and BOY HOWDY did that stink her already bad attitude up. Then, the doctors came in and she was real fussy. Then, like 10 minutes later, she was all sleepy and quiet and her tongue was hanging out... it was like angels started singing or something!!! For once, that mean old HAG of an old mutt wasn't yapping.

I don't know what they did to her. Perhaps that ball on her head made her tired. But, eventually, she wasn't tired anymore and she tried to snap Daddy's hand off.

Well, BFD has been a real pain in my side. She's been doing better though - or at least that's what Mommy keeps saying because Mommy can pick her up some. I think it's cause the man in the white coat at the vet office squished her bottom. She was always dragging it....

OH OH!!!!

And guess what???

We got a new bed! Mommy and Daddy got us this pretty purple bed and stupid Saydie and Winnie have taken over it. That's okay, cause I sleep on the human bed anyway.

You can see Pene laying on it in the basket here:

New purple bed

OH!!!

And (HAHAHAHA) Mommy put a hat on Saydie and Pene. I guess hats help those retarded one eye scrappy dogs to see or something cause they KNEW BETTER than to put that on me. I snapped a quick picture while no one was looking. Please, feel free to laugh. I did!!

Saydie

Pene

Normally, Saydie is a very prissy little dog. She's got this weak little bark. I don't like her because she can jump up on the bed too and she steals my toys. I'll have to have a little come-to-jesus meeting with her later though. For now, I'm not getting near her. She throws up on stuff when she gets mad at me...

Saydie being prissy

And I'll end with the best picture of all....

Me (and Saydie - cause Mommy won't let me show you a pic of just me cause she thinks I'm self centered)...