Dislike Mommy...

Normally, Mommy stands up for me.  I'm terribly unhappy with her right now and I'll share why in a moment.  But first, I have to explain something.

Just because I have sisters doesn't mean I have to be put through the same CRUEL and UNUSUAL punishment because one of them never learned how to poop properly.  Stupid Stinky Saydie is the most retarded dog in the world and I'm sick of being groomed for her lack of being able to clean off her butt appropriately.  For the record, I am THE most beautiful dog EVAH.  I have a gorgeous white coat and Mommy (and Daddy) love me so much that they have NEVER shaved me.  I can shake my hair and it twists and turns and looks like a dusting of snow.  What can I say, I'm gorgeous?

I don't know why most of my sisters don't like the rain, but I'm about SICK of being in trouble for their inability to act like a DOG.  Yesterday, Saydie was not wanting to get wet, so she went outside, took a giant heaping CRAP and then came inside.  Well, if Mommy wasn't such a retarded BLONDE, she'd know that putting up the webcam again would be a very good idea.  Saydie brought poop in the house that morning and drug her stupid butt across the kitchen floor.   And, can you believe I had to SMELL IT all day?  Oh, God!  I think my nose is broken and I am so upset by the STENCH this dog leaves.

Well, Mommy and Daddy came home at the same time last night and Mommy took us all outside.  Daddy cleaned up the kitchen and then Stupid Friggin Saydie drags a GIANT poopball in the house attached to her fur. 

So...GREAT!  Guess what happened then?  That's right...we ALL got our butts shaved.  It wouldn't be so bad if Daddy did it, but Mommy BUTCHERED me.  I've got this giant hole where my butt is and I'm all (gasp) EXPOSED down there.  I'm so embarassed.  Mommy is such a pain in the neck.  I can't even hide myself now because Mommy left this gaping curtain hole look to my tooshie.  Ugh....And Pathetic Pene thinks that's an invitation to stick her nose in my butt and sniff. 

I seriously think I'm going in shock.  I need new parents or something.  I can't believe I have to walk around with an exposed butt and the most retarded Mommy in the world.

Going to cry now...

Christmas updates...

Christmas time came again!  I was so excited to see all the treats that Mommy and Daddy bought just for me.  Even if the packages were addressed to all of us, I know they secretly want me to have everything.

Aunt Stacey even bought me a box of cookies and a stuffed animal with a YUMMY squeaker thingy in it.  Uncle Brian said he was very against this but Aunt Stacey knew better because she knew she needed to stay on the island...

Uncle Brian better watch it.  I'm watching HIM!!  Just because he's married to Aunt Stacey, he doesn't stay on my island by proxy.  I'm happy to vote him off too if he doesn't let Aunt Stacey bring me yummy treats!  On another note, the days leading up to Christmas were EXHAUSTING.  I had to watch the treat bag so hard to keep the other girls paws off of it.  I was so tired by the time Christmas time came around that all I wanted to do was sleep.  You can see from this surveillance picture how tired I was.  But, I guarded that bag EXTRA HARD!

On another note, I didn't get a single treat from Miran-duh-duh.  I know she knows it was Christmas.  Everyone that's anyone knows it was Christmas, so I'm very disappointed with her.  It's not like it's hard to know it's Christmas.  Duh Miran-duh-duh.  It was COLD outside.  Christmas trees were up.  Presents were under my tree...but YOU didn't send me a gift.  Therefore, I am officially moving you to the edge of the island.  You can ask Aunt Stacey how the edge of the island feels since she has lived there a long time until I recently gave her the torch back.  Don't worry though, you can keep your torch for now.  I know you're probably a fraidycat of the dark anyway...

Now, onto the last part of Christmas...

A long time ago, before I was even born, Mommy and Daddy were trying to adopt this other dog named Abby.  The people told her they couldn't have because Mommy and Daddy didn't know what they were getting themselves into with a Pekingese...

Well, just a few days ago...Daddy came home with Abby.  We're calling her Abby2.  I don't like sharing my name, but I kind of feel sorry for this dog.  She's very skinny and she's got a really long tongue that hangs out of her mouth and it makes her drool.  She's got big paws like me though and I think when she grows up, she might just be as pretty as me...minus her tongue.  I'm going to teach her some tricks though.  I heard she gives "Abby hugs" though...and I have to find out what that's all about. I can't have her one-upping me.  I'm top dog around here.

For now, I kind of like her.  She smelled like vomit when she came in, but she doesn't like car rides is what Daddy said.  That makes me sad because we all love car rides.  I'm going to do the nice sisterly thing and make her feel at home - at least until she gets in my way.  She's already doing really well because she doesn't eat the crunchy treats I like.  So I'm very happy about that.  So far, she eats the wet food and pupperonis.  She tried to eat a cookie, but just couldn't.  I think Mommy is going to try to buy her some softer cookies to see if she can eat them.

Anyway, here's a picture of Abby2.  She's actually kinda cute - in an old dog sorta way...

I can't sleep!!

I have decided to put an ad in the paper.  I simply cannot stand it anymore! 

Lat night, I spent the ENTIRE night trying to sleep, but both Winnie and Pene were SNORING so dang loudly that I couldn't get any sleep at all!  I think my princess hair is going to fall out of my head after all the tossing and turning I did last night.

I even got Mommy to record Prissy Pene snoring all night one night.  I haven't recorded Winnie yet, but if you can imagine, start a chainsaw and put it next to your head...cause that's how loud she is.  Then, she takes these A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G long breaths and I swear, all the paint is sucked off the wall.

Now, if you add to that, Mommy's big ol fat nose snoring...ugh.  I seriously need a new home.  I think from now on, I'm going to going to put my paws over my ears and just cry everytime all that dad blasted racket starts up! 

If you know of a good home where I can get some nice rest and be free from smelly, fat, STINKY dogs, I would very much like a new home.  I'm about DONE with the snorefest of a home I live in!

I am PERSONALLY holding Aunt Stacey at fault for this too.  She's encouraging Daddy to always adopt and make our family a petting zoo..and I'm TIRED of sharing my house with all the STRAYS that keep being brought in!  First, we adopt a one eyed yappy mutt...then we get this garbage breath of a dog, Winnie...and then Daddy adopts another one eyed freak that poops everywhere.  I'm TOO GOOD FOR THIS!!!!!

I'm so exhausted.   I think I need a massage....

Daddy got busted...

First of all, Daddy is about as bright as a blackout.  He should know Mommy has eyes in the back of her head.  She catches me and the other 3 mutts doing stuff all the time and she isn't even looking at us!  I'm convinced she hides her eyes behind that mop of a head of hair of hers.

Last night, Mommy was fluffing up the bed covers for me and getting the big people bed all ready for me to lay in when Daddy came in and tried to give her a big sloppy human kiss.  Mommy turned her head and gave him a little smooch and then Daddy was all kinds of busted.  Here, let me show you the picture...

Anyway, Mommy told Daddy to stop eating coolwhip out of the bucket and can you believe Daddy had the audacity to try and blame US GIRLS?  What the heck Daddy, I thought we were on the same team?

Daddy thought he was busted because he thought WE were as sloppy as he was.  First, Daddy-oh, let me tell you something.  I'm a princess.  And if I get my fur dirty, I always ask you to clean me up.  I would NEVER walk around with stuff in my fur like you did.  Besides, Pene thinks she's always hungry and I may not come back with much fur if she gets ahold of me.  She's a vicious garbage disposal.  You should know this!

Well, after Daddy realized he was busted, Mommy took a picture of him and uploaded it to facepage.  I don't think Daddy was very happy about that, but Mommy doesn't like some of the photos Daddy takes of her where her face is all scowled either.  So, Daddy...I'm going to have to side with Mommy on this.  You deserved that.  I don't like my picture taken either, so I know how she feels!  You just wait until I get a picture of you!

On another note, Mommy's been really testy lately.  She's been sleepy and she woke up last night all sad and couldn't sleep very well.  I will be very excited when it's all done with her sleeping issues.  Cause Mommy is interrupting my beauty sleep and my fur is turning brown from age.

Mommy tried to shave my paws last night too.  I'll have you know, I'm not very happy about that.  I worked extra hard to get that mat in my fur and get the dirt between my toes and she cleaned it all up.  I think I'll make a mess in the kitchen today to tell her how unhappy I am.