Escape Artist Employment!

T.B. is an escape artist and I'm onto her little tricks!  For weeks now, I've been watching her.  She tries to act all sneaky and innocent, but I just KNOW she's up to something more sneaky and ninja-like!  I know because I can sense it with my super high powered Abbie sens-o-meter!

She got my little perch taken away because she likes to sit up on it and then jump over the couch.  Now, we just have a little round thing with a hose thingy holding the gate up and I'm very disappointed that I cannot jump over the edge and climb out when I want to.  T.B. on the other hand, just climbs out and then goes to Mommy and Daddy's room - where we aren't allowed anymore!

Yesterday though, Mommy slept ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL day and I got to stay in there a little bit.  There's all this new furniture in there and something on the wall that says "Silas."  I'm not sure what that means, but it looks like a throne that Mommy and Daddy are building for me.  Perhaps Silas is my regal name?

Mommy showed me a picture of Miran-duh-duh's dog and Aunt Stacey's new dog and I'm very disappointed that all of these people aren't picking me up for pet visits.  I need DESPERATELY to receive my weekly income of treats and I am more than annoyed that I have not yet received them.  I'm very willing to revoke island status if people don't start coughing up some treats!

For your reference, I like beef...and chicken...and lamb....and sweets....and bacon...and beef....and chicken....and marrow bones....and puperroni....and beef.....and chicken....

Changes in the house...

Last night, my Mommy must have realized I needed time to myself with her because she took me on a car ride to take Mimaw home.  I have been so stressed out with all the changes and Mommy has been stressed out too...so together, we needed some cuddle time to be able to form mommy/daughter lovies.

My mommy let me ride in the front seat and hang my head out the window and I was SO happy!  I had the wind in my beautiful hair and I was just so PLEASED to be spending time with Mommy.  After all, I AM her favorite!

This other Abby2 dog, (Mommy and Daddy call her T.B. - short for Too Bony, I think...) is slowly creeping into my spot though.  I am not fond of her and she eats my treats a lot.  She's very snippy, too.

I was trying to help her eat her treat the other day and she snapped at me and then she acted like I had done something wrong.  I was completely appalled, because DUH...I was here first and I DESERVE treats.  I like to help keep the floors clean, too...so I think it was only appropriate that I help her clean up what she wasn't eating.  She's a spoiled brat though...

Daddy got a picture of her the other day when she was cuddled up on Mommy's tummy.  P.S.  I'm not sure why Mommy is getting so fat, but something in her tummy is moving around and it's freaking me out a little bit.

Well, whatever is going on there though...Mommy needs to be checked out.  All of us girls in the house are fixed and we don't have weird things in our tummy moving...so I think Mommy has a giant parasite.  I used to have worms, too...so I can tell her that the little doggy bones you get for medicine aren't that bad tasting.  Maybe Mommy should try to take one of those...

Ironically though, she and Daddy seem to like the movement.  They got a bed and some other stuff in Mommy's "off limits room" (she calls it her office) just for this little parasite.  I don't understand why anyone would want to keep a parasite though.  When I have to go to the vets office, Mommy makes me take medicine to make sure I don't have those.  I think Mommy just knows that the medicine tastes like doggy treats and she doesn't want to steal them from me...

Anyway, that's it for today.  I'll write more when I can snag the laptop again.

Paws and Licks....

Abbie - ONE!

Daddy is away...

It's been a while since I've written, but there's a lot going on in my house.  There are so many humans and dogs living in my house and I am confused and almost irritated at the amount of work that is going on.

If you don't know already, my Mommy is pregnant.  I'm not sure what that means, but she and Daddy keep talking about a baby.  I've got plenty of toys already and I'm very unsure what all this means.  They said I will have a new sibling soon though.  I hope they aren't seriously thinking about getting another dog, because I'm already annoyed at these poopy stinky ones we have in the house.

Daddy left for the airport Monday morning around 3 A.M. and I'm very upset with him.  He left all the dogs in the room with Mommy and I had to move BFD over to Daddy's side of the bed so I could protect Mommy.  Our security camera took a picture of me guarding her for you to see how close of an eye I have to keep on her.

I'm kind of confused about all this talk in the house about a baby and I'm not really liking Julie in the house very much because she makes me fight with Winnie, but I'm trying to adjust to the changes.  I think I'm a little sad overall too.  Every morning, Mommy used to let me crawl on her chest and get pet and I don't think she loves me anymore because she won't let me do this.  She says something about her tummy having something in there.  Duh Mommy.  It's not like you swallowed a kid...

The other day, the little long haired 10 year old came home with Daddy and I could not find Mommy for the longest time.  I was looking ALL over for her.  And that kid and Daddy kept saying, "Where's Mommy?!"

Well, eventually, I found her!  My mommy would NEVER leave me and I love her so much.  I'm her favorite and she's mine.

Anyway, I've got to guard the treats and then maybe when she comes home today, I can get brushed.  I'm very ready for Daddy to come home too.  I miss him a lot cause he rubs my head and gives me love too.

I'm Mommy's favorite...

I would like to start today's blog by sharing with you, my devoted fans, what I shared with my Mommy last night:

A Pekingese can be a very jealous and possessive little dog; often the jealousy manifests itself in displays of aggression. The dog can be aggressive toward other dogs or people coming to visit their home.


A Pekingese can be very non-threatening to people because of their small size, however the breed picks up on this fact and will act out and display a large ego in response. This is a dog that demands respect from the owner and will do whatever necessary to obtain the respect. The dog is extremely jealous and prone to aggression towards any threatening party. The Pekingese prefers to bond to one person and readily chooses the object of their affection, in fact the dog decides early on who they like and who they do not. The dog is extremely loyal to its owner, and may snap or growl if another person tries to discipline them.

Now, that out of the way, let me make a few things clear.  I am not a bad dog.  Yes, I get into arguments with big fat dumb dog, but she looks at me in this stupid way that just makes me so mad.  Plus, her breath smells like doo-doo and I'm tired of having to teach her to brush her nasty teeth.

Mommy and Daddy have not been very nice to me because I've been trying to take my space back...but they just don't understand.  It's exhausting to be me.  Abby2 really gets on my nerves.  She leaves her treats around and when I try to help her pick them up and get rid of them, she growls at me.  If she was smart, she would know that treats left on the ground causes bugs and I'm just trying to keep our house bug free.  But, I think her brains are in her paws.

Pene has been extra attitudey lately, too.  She's definitely getting very snippy and I think she's particularly decided she does not like Julie.  That's okay though.  I don't like Julie that much either.  She is constantly making me fight with big fat retarded dum red head dog and I'm quite tired of having to exert my precious energy into pushing a 10 ton fat lard of smell off me.

Mommy took a picture of us for Valentines day and while I think it's squishy and l-a-m-e, Mommy likes it.  So, I'm uploading it for her.

And on a side note...just to be clear.  I'm Mommy's girl.  No one else.  Mommy loves ME the most and I'm her favorite.  Period.  Now, leave me and my Mommy alone...

And Aunt Stacey...there's your blog.

Uncle Brian is a mean poopoo head....

I used to think that people with Master's degrees were smart.  I've officially come to the realization that Uncle Brian clearly lacks some marbles in that head of his.

I was sleeping last night when my ESPN monitor went off and it was beeping like crazy.  I had to listen really hard, but I heard Uncle Brian telling Aunt Stacey that there aren't enough treats in the world! 

Now, clearly, I've decided that Uncle Brian has something to do with my lack of treats.  I used to think Aunt Stacey hated me because she never got me anything, but after him talking about how toys are not important at Christmas and now how treats aren't important...well, let's just say, Uncle Brian is in for a nasty mean surprise next time I see him.  I'm saving up an extra smelly burp just for him.  I wonder if Miran-duh-duh's husband says the same thing.  I almost started thinking this is a man thing, but then I realized my Daddy is a man and he doesn't dare say such things.  I wonder if that's because I've taught him the importance of my treats and how they help my beauty or if it's just because he knows I'm a precious little princess who deserves all the good things in the world...

Uncle Brian has this torch on my island and I've been pretty respectful not to take his torch....he's always pet me and loved on me..but I must say, now that I spend some time thinking about it and making my hair white over it...I notice that Uncle Brian NEVER gives me treats.

You see, here in Abbie land, that creates some issues.  First of all, I am a princess.  I am beautiful.  I am graceful.  I am playful.  I am long, sleek, and I smell like roses.  My hair is wonderfully groomed (except my butt which my Mommy butchered because she's a big fat dodo brain).

I thought about how to handle Uncle Brian for a long time after I got that beeping ESPN message.  It was distrubing and kind of confusing, but I think I have come with a solution....

Uncle Brian, I have taken a picture from afar of the rocky side of my island.  Not only am I banishing you to the bad side, I'm snuffing out your TORCH! 

All the visitors to my island will see the smoke for miles and know you are a BAD BAD BAD BAD NASTY NO TREAT GIVING NO ABBIE LOVING MEAN OL POOPOO HEAD! 

And with that said, I'm going to have a little chat with Miran-duh-duh and see if her man thing in her house thinks the same thing.  If so, you'll have some company soon.

P.S.  Bring treats and I'll reconsider your torch....Ignore me...and I'll barf on you.

Julie's cheetos...

Julie must think she's smarter than me.  She thinks I can't write.  Well, Julie, you are wrong.  I have paws to write.... AND, I can ESPN my thoughts to this page and write it all out!

So, here's what I have to say to you.  Daddy rules the roost more than you do.  I think it's not very nice that you tried to tease me with cheetos and didn't give me a bunch to munch on, so I'm going to go back to Daddy and get my banana nut Cheerios.

Oh, and while you're watching iCarly...I'm stealing more cheetos!!

SUCKER!

The devil lives in Sherman

You should know that I'm in good with the "little birdies."  After all, I'm super awesome stealthy Abigail the Fierce!  My Mommy talked to Aunt Stacey last night and then she relayed the whoooooole conversation to me via ESPN (cause I'm cool like that) and I think I've determined that the devil is a doctor in Sherman.

Everytime my Mommy ESPN's me and tells me about this devil woman with the crazy fire on her head, I just think that Aunt Stacey needs to stop working in H-E-double hockeysticks.  I'm clearly certain that Miran-duh-duh thinks this too because I've implanted little spies in her brain to help me get treats, but this time, they are sending me information about devil doctor.

I wanted to share a picture of devil doctor with you, but Mommy told me that would be not nice because then I would be specifically showing you who the devil doctor is that could be scary for some of you.  You might have nightmares because you're not a grown up like me!

Anyway, I've determined that I'm going to build a statue on Abbie Island.  It's going to be a statue of sticks and sand and we're going to put big giant googley eyes and crazy affro grass hair and maybe even give it big gnashing teeth to snarl and scare away the intruders off my island.  I'll call it the devil doctor statue.  I may even let Aunt Stacey and Miran-duh-duh light devil doctors hair on fire for real on my statue so we can see the true craziness!

Well, all this plotting means that I've got to get some rest and save my energy up.  If I'm going to plot against devil doctor and find ways to poop in her path, I've got to save up my sweet Abbie smell just for her!

Drama Queen? Me?

Life is so hard in Abbie land.  I just want you to know that.  With the addition of a new dog in the house, I'm having to work extra hard to claim my toys, my food, and my sleeping spots. 

I'm quite tired of Daddy bringing in new things to my life, but this most recent one might have worked out to my liking, minus one small piece of information.

Mommy and Daddy are now letting my cousin, Julie, live with us.  She's a kinda cool kid...except one thing...

SHE PUTS CRAP ON MY HEAD!

Now, before you think I mean literal "crap" let me explain.  Julie, is a very artsy person.  She's very good at drawing and I like this about her because I'm going to have her decorate my torches, maybe my cage, and who knows...perhaps even draw on people's faces that get voted off my island.  However, she was not nice to me the other day and she IMPLIED that I'm a drama queen.  Now, I'll have you know...I am no SUCH thing.

Now, I know, I know...I'm high maintenance and I like really nice things, but that does not make me a drama queen.  It just means I've figured out how to make my humans work for me.  (Except that Miranda girl....she hasn't brought me treats...yet.)

*Warning*  Miranda, your torch may go out soon if I do not receive 2384792387428347293847239847234827347127831289393857 treats delivered to me at my address!

Anyway, Mommy and Daddy apparently thought this was super funny and took a picture of me.  I encourage you to note my dissatisfaction in this photo as I am clearly having my head held up for me and my eyes are NOT happy.

I think Julie and I will come to an agreement soon.  Perhaps I'll bite her toes off if she doesn't stop putting stuff on my head.  Or perhaps, I'll just make sure she knows who is really boss around here!

Either way, I have some plotting to do.  First, to plot against Julie...and then, on what to do with Miran-duh-duh!