Uncle Brian is a mean poopoo head....

I used to think that people with Master's degrees were smart.  I've officially come to the realization that Uncle Brian clearly lacks some marbles in that head of his.

I was sleeping last night when my ESPN monitor went off and it was beeping like crazy.  I had to listen really hard, but I heard Uncle Brian telling Aunt Stacey that there aren't enough treats in the world! 

Now, clearly, I've decided that Uncle Brian has something to do with my lack of treats.  I used to think Aunt Stacey hated me because she never got me anything, but after him talking about how toys are not important at Christmas and now how treats aren't important...well, let's just say, Uncle Brian is in for a nasty mean surprise next time I see him.  I'm saving up an extra smelly burp just for him.  I wonder if Miran-duh-duh's husband says the same thing.  I almost started thinking this is a man thing, but then I realized my Daddy is a man and he doesn't dare say such things.  I wonder if that's because I've taught him the importance of my treats and how they help my beauty or if it's just because he knows I'm a precious little princess who deserves all the good things in the world...

Uncle Brian has this torch on my island and I've been pretty respectful not to take his torch....he's always pet me and loved on me..but I must say, now that I spend some time thinking about it and making my hair white over it...I notice that Uncle Brian NEVER gives me treats.

You see, here in Abbie land, that creates some issues.  First of all, I am a princess.  I am beautiful.  I am graceful.  I am playful.  I am long, sleek, and I smell like roses.  My hair is wonderfully groomed (except my butt which my Mommy butchered because she's a big fat dodo brain).

I thought about how to handle Uncle Brian for a long time after I got that beeping ESPN message.  It was distrubing and kind of confusing, but I think I have come with a solution....

Uncle Brian, I have taken a picture from afar of the rocky side of my island.  Not only am I banishing you to the bad side, I'm snuffing out your TORCH! 

All the visitors to my island will see the smoke for miles and know you are a BAD BAD BAD BAD NASTY NO TREAT GIVING NO ABBIE LOVING MEAN OL POOPOO HEAD! 

And with that said, I'm going to have a little chat with Miran-duh-duh and see if her man thing in her house thinks the same thing.  If so, you'll have some company soon.

P.S.  Bring treats and I'll reconsider your torch....Ignore me...and I'll barf on you.

Julie's cheetos...

Julie must think she's smarter than me.  She thinks I can't write.  Well, Julie, you are wrong.  I have paws to write.... AND, I can ESPN my thoughts to this page and write it all out!

So, here's what I have to say to you.  Daddy rules the roost more than you do.  I think it's not very nice that you tried to tease me with cheetos and didn't give me a bunch to munch on, so I'm going to go back to Daddy and get my banana nut Cheerios.

Oh, and while you're watching iCarly...I'm stealing more cheetos!!

SUCKER!

The devil lives in Sherman

You should know that I'm in good with the "little birdies."  After all, I'm super awesome stealthy Abigail the Fierce!  My Mommy talked to Aunt Stacey last night and then she relayed the whoooooole conversation to me via ESPN (cause I'm cool like that) and I think I've determined that the devil is a doctor in Sherman.

Everytime my Mommy ESPN's me and tells me about this devil woman with the crazy fire on her head, I just think that Aunt Stacey needs to stop working in H-E-double hockeysticks.  I'm clearly certain that Miran-duh-duh thinks this too because I've implanted little spies in her brain to help me get treats, but this time, they are sending me information about devil doctor.

I wanted to share a picture of devil doctor with you, but Mommy told me that would be not nice because then I would be specifically showing you who the devil doctor is that could be scary for some of you.  You might have nightmares because you're not a grown up like me!

Anyway, I've determined that I'm going to build a statue on Abbie Island.  It's going to be a statue of sticks and sand and we're going to put big giant googley eyes and crazy affro grass hair and maybe even give it big gnashing teeth to snarl and scare away the intruders off my island.  I'll call it the devil doctor statue.  I may even let Aunt Stacey and Miran-duh-duh light devil doctors hair on fire for real on my statue so we can see the true craziness!

Well, all this plotting means that I've got to get some rest and save my energy up.  If I'm going to plot against devil doctor and find ways to poop in her path, I've got to save up my sweet Abbie smell just for her!

Drama Queen? Me?

Life is so hard in Abbie land.  I just want you to know that.  With the addition of a new dog in the house, I'm having to work extra hard to claim my toys, my food, and my sleeping spots. 

I'm quite tired of Daddy bringing in new things to my life, but this most recent one might have worked out to my liking, minus one small piece of information.

Mommy and Daddy are now letting my cousin, Julie, live with us.  She's a kinda cool kid...except one thing...

SHE PUTS CRAP ON MY HEAD!

Now, before you think I mean literal "crap" let me explain.  Julie, is a very artsy person.  She's very good at drawing and I like this about her because I'm going to have her decorate my torches, maybe my cage, and who knows...perhaps even draw on people's faces that get voted off my island.  However, she was not nice to me the other day and she IMPLIED that I'm a drama queen.  Now, I'll have you know...I am no SUCH thing.

Now, I know, I know...I'm high maintenance and I like really nice things, but that does not make me a drama queen.  It just means I've figured out how to make my humans work for me.  (Except that Miranda girl....she hasn't brought me treats...yet.)

*Warning*  Miranda, your torch may go out soon if I do not receive 2384792387428347293847239847234827347127831289393857 treats delivered to me at my address!

Anyway, Mommy and Daddy apparently thought this was super funny and took a picture of me.  I encourage you to note my dissatisfaction in this photo as I am clearly having my head held up for me and my eyes are NOT happy.

I think Julie and I will come to an agreement soon.  Perhaps I'll bite her toes off if she doesn't stop putting stuff on my head.  Or perhaps, I'll just make sure she knows who is really boss around here!

Either way, I have some plotting to do.  First, to plot against Julie...and then, on what to do with Miran-duh-duh!